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You Wash Your Dish and I’ll Wash Mine

July 5, 2008

or something else about Honesty and Expectations.

A knife just flew off the kitchen counter and onto the floor.  It didn’t cut me but the words I was thinking finally cut through my victimhood.

I haven’t been responsible, in any shape or form, for how my life is right now.  I haven’t taken responsibility, because that defeats the victimhood I’ve been wearing.  Under this hood, it can always be “their” fault.  I can remain faultless and validly ask, “Why does this always happen to me?”  I can leave the question unanswered or I can answer with another victim statement, “It’s not my fault.  If ‘they’ would just do x, then…”

Not very powerful is it?  Everything that I would like to change or make better or delete from my life is based on someone else doing something that will change MY life.  Only it doesn’t work that way.  Never has.  Never will.  So on one hand, I am glad the knife didn’t cut my flesh and instead became a metaphor of my thoughts, slicing through the victimhood I’ve been wearing.

See honestly this line of questioning all started with washing dishes.  Yeah, I have this thing with dishes.  I’ve come to the conclusion that if I wash what I use, shortly after I use it, then I am being and becoming responsible for myself.  It’s a simple precept which can be applied to numerous other things.  Having made this decision also means that I choose NOT to be responsible for washing dishes other adults use.  That makes me a target.  It also offers me practical training in doing what I say to the best of my ability and leaving the responsibilities of others squarely on their shoulders.

It is not my issue that others in the home feel it is someone else’s responsibility to “take care of it”, it in this specific case being washing dishes.
So those were the thoughts I was thinking when the knife flew off the counter at me.  I immediately realized how deeply I had just cut myself with my own thoughts.  I think the knife cut could have been less messy.  I would at least know how to stop the knife cut from bleeding.  I haven’t figured out yet how to consistently be totally responsible for me in all ways yet, but I am practicing and it started with washing dishes.

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