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What Do You Do When…

November 13, 2007

you made a promise to someone 30 years ago and while your spirit never forgot about it, your mind completely misplaced it and you found it finally so deeply wrapped, stored and cared for within your heart that it shook the core of your being when you went to extract it?

Yeah…That’s what I thought too.

Yet thinking is what made me put it there in the first place.  Thinking that someone would steal it, kill it, harm it or otherwise remove it from me.  And if it were removed from me, then I would just cease to exist.

So instead my hiding it away created the ability for me to sleep walk through this life.  It created the ability for me to survive untold things done to my body.  It created the ability to keep me safe and breathing while not really living.

I keep trying to recall the good memories of my childhood.  I know that they exist.  I know that my imagination was what got me through it all.  I remember being WonderWoman on the lawn and rolling down the hill and riding my bike.  I remember spin out 360’s and jump ropes and me being the only one able to jump double dutch.  I remember playing alone in the house with paper on the floor, teaching my students, no not teaching them guiding them to learn what they wanted to learn and how they wanted to learn it.  I remember this.  What I really remember is the essence of these memories, but cannot replay them accurately to see their detail because when replaying them I have to know when to hit fast forward and when to stop and I don’t know that yet.  There are some things I am not yet ready to remember maybe.  If I do know.

Tomorrow maybe, but I have to deal with today, right now and know that if tomorrow is promised to me, I can deal with it in it’s own, right now.

Au revior et bonne chance

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