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Sometimes We Just HAVE To…

October 25, 2007

My confidence needs sharpening. I still have a nagging fear of being wrong or being humiliated of being told no. It still hurts. It still scares me.

I often wonder if I come across as timid or confident in person and over the phone?

What stops me when I am NOT around people in my field?

What the hell is going on in my head when I am sitting here in front of the computer, alone at home. This is my way of NOT taking real action. Damn that realization sucks. So what can I do to change it? Who can I interview on the fly, right now?

I tend to be rather impulsive.

There is always a reason not to do something along with a reason to do it.

Many of the things I have been impulsive about have centered around s*x. That wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have this mental / emotional block regarding s*x and it’s meanings or attributed meanings.

I think if and when I have s*x with someone it makes them like me. Not really, I mean I know it doesn’t make them like ME. It just makes them like my s*x. It’s good. Seriously, my s*x is damn good, addictive even. It is also easy and best of all it is free. I feel rejected when someone doesn’t want my s*x. That happened recently and I have been crying about it every since. It happened because this person was either – playing the gentleman and focused on business completely or (this is the one I want to be true) he really is a gentleman and respected my mind and wanted my body but for much longer than one single night, like forever…

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